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The causes of low libido in women is complex. It may be tempting to think that sexual desire in women should be spontaneous and consistant. However the truth is that female libido is more nuanced. Every woman has her own unique libido due to her own sexual story and factors that affect sex drive negatively or positively.
At Rebelle Health, we take a holistic approach to female sexual desire.
What is Female Libido?
Female libido is a term for the physical and mental energy associated with sexual desire. It is often characterized as an urge or impulse to engage in sexual activity, or even a mood, which may be spontaneous or responsive. It is often used interchangeably with sexual desire.
What is Female Sexual Desire?
Female sexual desire can be described as the motivation to seek out and willingness to engage in solo or partnered sexual experiences (Dawson 2014). A woman's libido or desire is unique to her, influenced by a variety of environmental, social, hormonal and physiological factors.
Sexual desire can be either spontaneous or responsive, and this can change from day to day, month to month and year to year. It can also change with the duration of a relationship, especially long term monogamous relationships where both romantic love, emotional intimacy and erotic desire are expected.
Why do I have low libido?
Many factors can contribute to low libido. This can include many different biological, psychological, relational and social factors.
Treatment for low libido should consider these factors.
Biological Factors That Impact Libido/Sexual Desire
Hormonal Imbalances: Low estrogen, testosterone, or progesterone can impact low libido and this can occur particularly during menopause, perimenopause, or while breastfeeding. These hormone changes can also impact adequate sexual functioning by changing the vaginal tissues, nipple and clitoral sensitivity, and reducing blood flow to these areas.
Chronic Health Conditions: Diabetes, cardiovascular disease, thyroid disorders, and chronic pain can impact mood and sexual function.
Medications: Antidepressants, antihypertensives, hormonal contraceptives, and other medications can inhibit libido.
Fatigue and Poor Sleep: Chronic fatigue and sleep disturbances, including sleep apnea and insomnia all impair libido as getting adequate rest and recovery becomes the priority.
Neurological Factors: Brain changes associated with aging, mood disorders, or cognitive decline can impact libido.
Psychological Factors That Impact Libido/Sexual Desire
Mental Health Conditions: Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and stress can lower libido significantly
Body Image and Self-Esteem Issues: Negative body image, low self-esteem, and eating disorders
Previous Trauma: History of sexual or emotional trauma affecting sexual desire and comfort
Relationship Satisfaction: Low satisfaction, lack of emotional intimacy or trust or unresolved conflicts within the partnership
Perfectionism and High Expectations: Pressure to meet certain standards of sexual performance or appearance or to get pregnant.
Negative Beliefs or Stigma Around Sex: Personal or cultural beliefs that frame sex as negative or shameful. Fear about getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted infection can also impact libido.
Social Factors That Impact Libido/Sexual Desire
Relationship Dynamics: Communication issues, lack of emotional connection, consent or trust issues with partner
Life Stressors: Financial stress, work-related pressures, or caregiving responsibilities
Societal and Cultural Pressures: Societal expectations around femininity, motherhood, or gender roles
Support Network: Limited social support or feelings of isolation can exacerbate stress and reduce desire
Media Influence and Unrealistic Standards: Pressure from media portrayals of idealized sexual relationships
Cultural or Religious Beliefs: Views that discourage open discussion, playful sex or pleasure, or sexual health and wellness.
The Role of Accelerators and Brakes on Female Libido
Your may have heard that the brain is the biggest sex organ and of course it plays an essential role. What is going on in your brain on a day-to-day basis, how it is picking up on sexual cues and information and responding to them contributes in a big way to your sexual desire.
The idea of accelerators and brakes provides a helpful way to think about the factors that can increase or decrease your sexual desire.
Accelerators are anything that increases the likelihood for a woman to experience sexual excitement and pleasure, while brakes are any factor that might impede it.
Sexual Desire Accelerators:
Accelerators include things that turn you on, light you up sexually and excite you. This includes:
foreplay,
self-pleasure,
using sex toys
dressing attractively
watching or reading sexual media
sexual fantasy.
Sexual Desire Brakes
Brakes are the factors that hinder sexual desire and maintain a low libido. If you are experiencing a decreased sex drive it is useful to think about the things that are a complete turn off to sexual energy such as;
stress,
fatigue,
negative body image,
relationship conflicts
being time-poor
balancing many roles such as career, caregiver
being a caregiver to your partner
painful sex, vaginal dryness
fear of pregnancy or sexual transmitted infection (STI)
sexual trauma
medical conditions, or medications
poor mental health
perfectionism
experiencing non-pleasurable sex.
When supporting women to achieve a healthy sex life, a holistic approach looks at what accelerators and brakes affect libido for you. Identifying these accelerators and brakes is crucial in cultivating healthy sexual desire.
Related: Principles of Sexual Wellbeing
Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire in Women: What's The Difference?
Some women think they have low or no libido, when what they have experienced is a shift from spontaneous desire to responsive desire. This is often seen commonly as a long-term relatonship becomes established.
What is Spontaneous Desire?
Spontaneous desire is often considered normative - and is how many women believe they should experience desire. People who experience spontaneous desire are easily responsive to their sexual cues, have accelerators that are on and brakes that are off.
What is Responsive Desire?
Responsive desire is when a woman's libido arises due to external factors such as erotic stimulation, sexual fantasy, foreplay or even just being in her partner’s presence.
Responsive desire can start with a willingness or receptiveness to connect with a partner and engage sexually. It can be slow to blossom, but given the right conditions, touch, timing and place, desire in response to these factors can emerge.
Both types of sexual desire can be equally satisfactory but are arrived at differently.
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder is categorized by the DSM-V as a condition of persistent lack of sexual desire or interest in sexual activity, causing personal distress or difficulties in relationships.
Many of the above factors can contribute to lower sexual desire.
Hormones, Health, and Libido
Many people often think hormones = libido or sexual desire, and that low sexual desire always = low hormones, but the truth is that hormones are a single part of a very complex whole.
Hormones do contribute to libido, but so does connection to your sexual cues, your body, your mind and your relationship quality.
Hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, and menopause can significantly impact libido.
For instance, estrogen and testosterone levels fluctuate, influencing desire and responsiveness. Many women find they are more easily aroused and experience spontaneous desire during the middle of their cycle when estrogen and testosterone are rising and high.
Likewise many women feel lower sexual desire when breastfeeding when alongside many biological and psychological shifts, as well as the demands of caring for a new baby and altered relationships, estrogen levels are lower.
Many health conditions, medications, and lifestyle factors like diet and exercise can also impact libido or contribute to sexual dysfunction.
Hormone therapy can be a useful therapy for low desire during perimenopause and other times where hormones are low. Addressing hormonal imbalances is one step you can do to enhance overall well-being and improve libido or sex drive.
Learn about hormone replacement therapy and testsoterone gel use during for menopause
Treatment Of Low Libido In Women
1. Prioritize Self-Care
Take time to care for yourself. Connect with your own body, care for it in loving ways, and discard negative body or self talk. Enjoy the sensuality of your own body through mindfully moisturising and caring for your body. A well loved body is one that can be open to sexual connection.
2. Know Your Own Body
If you don't already know what feels good and pleasurable, get to know your own body. Use a mirror to explore your vulva and clitoris, use your hand or sex toys to explore your own pleasure. It's so much easier to communicate to a partner how to give you pleasure if you know for yourself. Vibrators and lubricant can help accentuate your experience.
3. Communication is Key
Have an open dialogue with your partner about what your enjoy in your sexual experiences together, what turns you on, how you like to be touched, approached for sex, what you dislike and what turns you off. This communication fosters emotional intimacy, creating an environment where responsive desire can flourish.
4. Mindfulness and Stress Management
Engage in mindfulness techniques, meditation, or deep breathing to alleviate stress, one of the most common brakes on sexual desire.
5. Explore Your Fantasies
Embrace your erotic imagination and explore your own sexual fantasies. Sexual fantasies can add the spice and novelty you need in increasing your desire for sex, kindling the flames of both spontaneous and responsive desire. Sharing and co-creating sexual fantasies with your partner can be incredibly sexy.
6. Body Positivity
Embrace and celebrate your body. Positive body image enhances confidence and contributes to a healthier self-concept, fueling desire.
7. Embrace Sensuality Together
Engage in sensual activities that activate your body's accelerators, such as sensual massages, bathing or showering together, or enjoying a romantic dinner.
8. Intimacy Beyond Intercourse
Recognize that intimacy encompasses a spectrum of activities, from walking or cooking together, hand holding, cuddling to meaningful conversations. These connections can nurture responsive desire.
9. Seek Professional Guidance
If you experience persistent low libido, consult a women's sexual health doctor/specialist or sex therapists for personalized guidance and support.
10. Testosterone Hormone Therapy
Women experience a decline in testosterone levels between ages 20 to 40, with levels dropping to half the levels they were in our twenties.
For women experiencing low sexual desire after menopause, there is good consistent evidence that where a reduction in sexual desire causes them personal concern or distress, they may benefit from testosterone therapy.
The Takeaways: Understanding Female Libido
Our understanding of female sexual desire is enhanced when we recognise both spontaneous and responsive desire play vital roles.
Being patient with yourself, discovering your unique sexual cues and brakes, considering biological factors, and acknowledging the profound influence of culture and society, you can navigate this journey with authenticity and empowerment.
The path to a thriving libido and sexual relationship begins with self-acceptance and a willingness to explore your sexual desires.
I hope you found this information helpful, I'd love to support you further.
Dr Deb Brunt @ Ōtepoti Integrative Health would love to support you to discover how to reignite your sexual desire.
Dr Deb Brunt is a specialist medical doctor (GP) and menopause doctor in Dunedin, New Zealand and also provides sexual health coaching internationally to support optimal sexual health so you can live your best life.
Frequently Asked Questions About Female Libido
What if I have no sexual desire?
Willingness to engage in sexual experiences, solo or partnered can be a great starting place if spontaneous sexual desire is not present. Try the tips above to engage receptive desire and if they are not helpful, get some additional support from your health professional.
What causes female desire?
There are many factors that can influence female desire, such as sexual cues, accelerators and brakes of sexual desire, hormones, culture and societal norms, mind-body connection, physical health conditions, medications and lifestyle.
Can libido be increased?
Yes! Libido can be increased through a holistic approach to sexual wellbeing. Try exploring the tips we discuss in this article including beginning where you feel your need is greatest.
What books can I read about female libido or female sexual desire?
Both of the following books are fantastic and I would highly recommend you read both.
References
Dawson, S.J., Chivers, M.L. Gender Differences and Similarities in Sexual Desire. Curr Sex Health Rep 6, 211–219 (2014).
McCall K, Meston C. Cues resulting in desire for sexual activity in women. J Sex Med. 2006 Sep;3(5):838-852.
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